It’s in the search where I found grace and eventually began to trust in softening. I’d never realized just how armored up I had become until searching was the only thing left which led me directly back to that steel encased heart that I had long forgotten. Everything and everyone else had disappeared because …. a cold, stone heart provides nothing of what a feeling human heart needs for sustenance. So I was left with just myself. And I HAD to find a way back inside.
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This was provided for me in the form of a variety of relationships who tested me with the same armored up heart. Try as I may I could not reach them. There was no way inside. No way to the warmth. No way to the tenderness. I was left starving in the cold.
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Eventually the tears began to fall. And from somewhere inside I refused to allow them to rust the armor shut. So I transitioned the cold, hard armor to a more soft yet sewn shut protective covering. All jagged with needle and threaded work.
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A day came when a fierce and tender soul appeared to reveal that sewn up heart … the one that matched his. As he pulled back the cover, he said, “I’m sorry you had to see this.”.
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This sent me seeking yet again. He may never know but his arrival in my life has served a purpose in which grace and tenderness and fierceness have been experienced and serve as reminders for what still remains within me …. if only I will allow them to show up. They are standing at the ready.
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All of this searching has served to soften and reveal. I commit to continue on so that I might soften even more. Because love expands and oozes everywhere when soft tenderness can re-open shuttered hearts.
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Where are you armored up? What are you not allowing in OR out? We, this world, need you to show up full of fierce tenderness with your bruised, battered and repaired heart. Its wisdom is needed at this time. It’s love is needed even more …. 💗.